{"id":175,"date":"2026-08-03T16:23:00","date_gmt":"2026-08-03T16:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/?p=175"},"modified":"2026-08-12T20:23:54","modified_gmt":"2026-08-12T20:23:54","slug":"paying-hope-forward","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/paying-hope-forward\/","title":{"rendered":"PAYING HOPE FORWARD"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Hope Was Given to Us Before We Ever Thought About Giving It Away<\/h2>\n\n

\n Jonesing For The Journey did not begin because Sue and I had answers.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It began because we needed them.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n When prostate cancer entered our lives, we found ourselves trying to understand\n a world we knew almost nothing about.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n New words.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n New decisions.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n New fears.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n New questions we did not even know we were supposed to ask.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Along the way, people helped us.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Some shared information.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Some shared their own experiences.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Some pointed us toward resources.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Some simply listened.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And sometimes, when there was very little anyone could actually fix,\n someone gave us the one thing we still needed:\n <\/p>\n\n

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Hope.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n

\n Not false hope.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Not promises.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Not someone telling us everything was going to be fine.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The kind of hope that simply says:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n You are not walking this road alone.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n\n

At Some Point, the Question Changed<\/h2>\n\n

\n For a long time, most of my questions were about me.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What does this test mean?\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What treatment should I choose?\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What happens after surgery?\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What will recovery look like?\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Is the cancer still there?\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What happens next?\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Those questions still matter.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But somewhere along the journey, another question started showing up:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n

\n \n What do we do with everything we are learning?\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n

\n Because Sue and I were receiving something from this experience whether we\n wanted it or not.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Knowledge.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Perspective.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hard-earned lessons.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Mistakes we could help someone else avoid.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Questions we wished we had known to ask sooner.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And an understanding of what it feels like to sit on both sides of a cancer diagnosis:\n the patient side and the caregiver side.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Eventually, keeping all of that to ourselves stopped making sense.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n Paying Hope Forward\n <\/h3>\n\n

\n \n When hope reaches you, keep what you need\u2014and pass some of it forward.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

This Is Where Jonesing For The Journey Began to Become Something Bigger<\/h2>\n\n

\n At first, sharing the journey was simply a way to document what was happening.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Then people started responding.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Men facing their own diagnosis.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Wives and partners trying to understand how to help.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n People preparing for surgery.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n People worried about a PSA result.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n People beginning radiation or hormone therapy.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n People who simply wanted to hear someone talk honestly about the parts of cancer\n that do not always fit neatly into a medical appointment.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n That was when JFTJ began shifting from simply documenting our story\n to trying to make the story useful.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n That distinction matters to me.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I cannot change what happened to us.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I cannot make another person’s cancer disappear.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I cannot promise anyone the outcome they want.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But perhaps something we learned can make someone else’s next mile a little easier.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

The Pain Does Not Need a Purpose to Be Real<\/h2>\n\n

\n I want to be careful about something.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I do not believe cancer happened to me so that I could start a website,\n make videos, write a book, or become an advocate.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I do not think suffering needs to be explained away by saying,\n “Everything happens for a reason.”\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Sometimes difficult things are simply difficult.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Cancer changed our lives.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It interrupted plans.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It introduced fear.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It changed my body.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It changed parts of our marriage.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It changed the way Sue and I think about the future.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I do not need to pretend those things were gifts.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But I can decide what I do with what they taught me.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n That is different.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n The Difference\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n The pain was ours. The lesson did not have to be.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

Hope Can Be Practical<\/h2>\n\n

\n Hope is sometimes treated as though it is simply an emotion.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I have learned that it can also be very practical.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hope can be someone telling you what the first week after surgery actually felt like.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hope can be a caregiver hearing another caregiver admit,\n “This is hard for me too.”\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hope can be discovering a question you had not thought to ask your doctor.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hope can be hearing another patient’s experience and realizing that yours\n does not have to look exactly the same.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hope can be a resource arriving at exactly the moment you need it.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Hope can be a stranger saying:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n

I have been there. Keep going.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n

\n That is the kind of hope I want JFTJ to keep moving forward.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

Sometimes Paying Hope Forward Means Asking One More Question<\/h2>\n\n

\n One of the most important lessons I have taken from this journey is simple:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Ask one more question.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Not because doctors are the enemy.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n They aren’t.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Not because every recommendation should be challenged simply for the sake of challenging it.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But because patients should understand the decisions they are being asked to make.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Sometimes paying hope forward means helping another person find their voice\n in an appointment.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It means telling them:\n <\/p>\n\n