{"id":632,"date":"2026-08-17T20:33:55","date_gmt":"2026-08-17T20:33:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/?p=632"},"modified":"2026-09-30T20:33:55","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T20:33:55","slug":"title-the-trip-we-didnt-take","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/title-the-trip-we-didnt-take\/","title":{"rendered":"Title: The Trip We Didn\u2019t Take"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today is our 30th wedding anniversary. We were supposed to be in Alaska.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n\n

Today We Were Supposed to Be in Alaska<\/h2>\n\n

\n Today is our 30th wedding anniversary.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And according to the plan Sue and I made long before prostate cancer entered\n our lives, we weren’t supposed to be home today.\n We were supposed to be in Alaska.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We had planned a seven-night cruise aboard the Star Princess, a suite,\n time in Seattle before and after the cruise, glaciers, wildlife, excursions,\n and everything we imagined Alaska would be.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We deliberately planned it around this week because this wasn’t supposed\n to be just another vacation.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It was supposed to celebrate thirty years of marriage.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Instead, today I am sitting here writing about\n The Trip We Didn’t Take.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n August 17, 2026\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n Today marks 30 years since Sue and I said \u201cI do.\u201d\n This was supposed to be our Alaska anniversary.\n The trip changed. The marriage didn’t.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

This Wasn’t Just Another Vacation<\/h2>\n\n

\n Sue and I aren’t people who have spent our marriage taking big,\n extravagant trips.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Like a lot of couples, there was usually something else that came first:\n raising kids, careers, moving, saving, family responsibilities, helping\n other people, and simply doing the responsible thing.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Thirty years contains a lot of life.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Two kids. Grandchildren. Jobs. Moves. Good seasons. Difficult seasons.\n Plans that worked and plans that didn’t. The ordinary days that don’t seem\n important when you’re living them but somehow become the things that make\n up a marriage.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n That’s why Alaska mattered.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We had talked about doing something extraordinary for our 30th anniversary,\n and after decades of usually putting everything else first, this time we\n decided to do it properly.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Not a standard cabin.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n A suite.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Because, as I joked when I first told this story:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n

Thirty years is a suite occasion.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n\n

Why Alaska?<\/h2>\n\n

\n Alaska represented so much of what Sue and I wanted from this next chapter\n of our lives.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Mountains. Glaciers. Wildlife. Huge landscapes. The feeling of being\n somewhere genuinely different from the place where you’ve spent most of\n your everyday life.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n After more than twenty years living in the Midwest, Alaska felt like exactly\n the kind of place that should mark thirty years together.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I had the itinerary mapped out. The cruise was booked. We had our suite.\n We had plans for Seattle before and after.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And Sue was excited in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It was that particular kind of excitement that happens when something\n you’ve talked about for years stops being someday and becomes something\n you can finally see on the calendar.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We were close enough to touch it.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n The Plan\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n Thirty years of marriage. Alaska. A suite. Glaciers.\n Wildlife. And one week built around celebrating us.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

Then Cancer Entered the Itinerary<\/h2>\n\n

\n Early in 2026, the calendar changed.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n First came the PSA concerns. Then the biopsy. Then the phone call after\n New Year’s that changed the direction of our lives.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Prostate cancer.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Surgery followed.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And like most people going into cancer surgery, Sue and I carried a lot\n of hope into that operating room.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We hoped the cancer could be removed. We hoped the pathology would give us\n reassuring news. We hoped that whatever recovery required, we would eventually\n be able to turn our attention back toward the life we had been planning.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Then the post-surgical pathology came back.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The story wasn’t finished.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There were additional treatment decisions ahead. More monitoring.\n More appointments. More uncertainty about what the coming months would require.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And suddenly our anniversary trip wasn’t just a trip anymore.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It was a decision.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

There Wasn’t a Big Conversation<\/h2>\n\n

\n I’ve thought about the moment we canceled Alaska many times since then,\n and one of the interesting things is that there really wasn’t a dramatic\n moment at all.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There wasn’t a formal conversation where one of us sat the other down and said,\n \u201cWe need to talk about the cruise.\u201d\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We looked at each other after the pathology results, and I think both of us\n already knew.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Thirty years with someone creates a kind of communication that doesn’t\n always require many words.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There were too many unanswered questions.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We didn’t yet know exactly what additional treatment would look like.\n We were still dealing with recovery. Follow-up appointments mattered.\n The medical calendar wasn’t finished being written.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The idea of being on a ship in Alaska while all of that was unfolding\n simply didn’t feel responsible.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And Sue and I have spent most of our lives trying to be responsible people.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

That Didn’t Mean We Wanted to Cancel<\/h2>\n\n

\n This is the part I think matters.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There was a very real part of me that wanted to say:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n

\n \n We’re going. We earned this. Thirty years earned this.\n Cancer doesn’t get to take this too.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n

\n I think Sue felt some version of the same thing.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There was absolutely a version of the conversation where we could have\n talked ourselves into going.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We could have said we’d manage it. We’d make it work. We’d figure it out\n once we got there, just like we’d figured out so many other things together.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But we didn’t.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We canceled the cruise.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n Something I Learned\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n The grief of making the right decision is still grief.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

Sometimes the Responsible Choice Still Hurts<\/h2>\n\n

\n We have a tendency to rank losses, especially when something as serious as\n cancer enters the picture.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It would have been easy to tell ourselves:\n It’s only a trip.<\/em>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And of course, compared with a cancer diagnosis, there are bigger things\n at stake than a cruise reservation.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But that doesn’t mean the smaller losses stop being losses.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The trip represented thirty years.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It represented a milestone. A celebration. A promise we’d made to ourselves\n that after decades of doing what needed to be done, we were finally going\n to do something extraordinary together.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Losing that mattered.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Even though canceling made sense.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

For a While, It Felt Like Cancer Had Taken One More Thing<\/h2>\n\n

\n Cancer had already changed so much.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It changed what we talked about.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It changed the calendar.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It changed the way we thought about the future.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Surgery changed our routine. Recovery changed our days. The pathology\n results changed what we thought might come next.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And now cancer had reached all the way into August and taken the anniversary\n trip too.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I wasn’t interested in pretending that didn’t hurt.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It did.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Thirty years deserved Alaska.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Sue deserved Alaska.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n\n

But Thirty Years Was Never Really in the Reservation<\/h2>\n\n

\n Somewhere in the months after we canceled, something started becoming\n clearer to me.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Thirty years of marriage didn’t live in that cruise reservation.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It didn’t live in the suite.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It didn’t live in the excursions, Seattle, whale watching, or the glaciers.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n As wonderful as all of those things would have been, they were supposed\n to celebrate the marriage.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n They were never the marriage.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Thirty years lived in the person sitting across from me when the pathology\n report came back and the future became uncertain.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It lived in the woman who had already been beside me through children,\n careers, moves, family responsibilities, good years, difficult years,\n and all of the ordinary days in between.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n When the trip disappeared from the calendar, Sue didn’t.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n

\n \n Alaska didn’t happen on schedule.\n But thirty years happened. Every single day of it.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n\n

And Today, That Means More Than Ever<\/h2>\n\n

\n Today there is no suite in Alaska.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There aren’t glaciers outside our window.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There isn’t a whale-watching excursion waiting for us.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n There isn’t a day in Seattle on the itinerary.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Our 30th anniversary doesn’t look anything like the version we pictured\n when we booked the trip.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But there is still us.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And sitting here on the actual day we were supposed to be celebrating\n aboard that ship, I understand something I probably wouldn’t have understood\n quite as clearly if everything had gone according to plan.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n A milestone isn’t made meaningful by where you celebrate it.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The destination is just where you happen to be when you stop long enough\n to recognize everything it took to get there.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

The Cruise Was Canceled. Alaska Wasn’t.<\/h2>\n\n

\n There is another part of this story that matters just as much.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Sue and I are not finished with Alaska.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The original trip was canceled.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The dream was not.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I don’t know exactly when we’ll go.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I don’t know what ship we’ll eventually board, what our medical calendar\n will look like when we do it, or whether the itinerary will resemble the\n one we originally planned.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But I know this:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n

There is still an Alaska in our future.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n The Promise\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n Cancer changed the date.\n It didn’t cancel Alaska.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

When We Finally Get There<\/h2>\n\n

\n One day Sue and I will stand together and watch those glaciers.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We’ll see the wildlife.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We’ll take the pictures.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I’ll probably film considerably more of the trip than Sue thinks is necessary.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And I suspect that when we finally make it there, Alaska will mean something\n different than it would have if we had gone according to the original plan.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Because by then, as I said when I first told this story,\n we will have earned it twice.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Once for the thirty years.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And once for everything that came after.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

Sometimes the Dream Needs a New Date<\/h2>\n\n

\n If you’ve ever had to cancel something that mattered because life intervened,\n you probably understand this better than you wish you did.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Maybe it was a vacation. An anniversary celebration. A retirement date.\n A family event. A move. A long-awaited purchase. Or something you had\n promised yourself you would finally do.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n You’re allowed to be disappointed.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n You’re allowed to grieve it.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n You don’t have to minimize the loss because something worse could have happened.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Loss is still loss.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Grieve it properly.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Then, when you’re ready, consider putting something back on the calendar.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n

\n \n Sometimes a dream needs a new date\u2014not a goodbye.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n\n

Not Because Anything Is Guaranteed<\/h2>\n\n

\n Cancer did not introduce uncertainty into our lives.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Cancer simply made uncertainty impossible to ignore.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n None of us knows whether the trip we schedule next year will happen exactly\n the way we’ve planned it.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n We never did.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What changed for Sue and me is that we’re much less willing to mistake\n uncertainty for a reason not to plan at all.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Having something on the horizon matters.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Something to anticipate.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Something to talk about.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Something that reminds you the future can contain more than appointments,\n tests, and treatment.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n For us, one of those things is Alaska.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

This Is Part of Our Retirement Story Too<\/h2>\n\n

\n When Sue and I originally imagined retirement, neither one of us pictured\n canceled cruises, cancer treatment, PSA tests, or building travel plans\n around medical appointments.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n But maybe that’s exactly why this story belongs here.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Retirement isn’t only about what happens when the plan works.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n It’s also about deciding what still matters when it doesn’t.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Routes change.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Dates move.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Itineraries get rewritten.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n The important question becomes:\n <\/p>\n\n

\n

\n \n Which dreams still deserve a place on the calendar?\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\n\n

\n Alaska does.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n So does the motorhome.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n So do the roads Sue and I haven’t traveled yet.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n That’s part of what I wrote about in\n \n The Road We Still Plan to Take<\/strong>\n <\/a>.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n Roadside Reflection\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n Today we aren’t in Alaska.\n But today we have thirty years.\n And the trip is still waiting for us.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

To Sue, on Thirty Years<\/h2>\n\n

\n Sue, this isn’t the anniversary I intended to give you.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n I wanted today to include glaciers, mountains, Alaska, and the suite\n we had talked about for so long.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Instead, this year asked something very different of both of us.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n You have been beside me through every appointment, every difficult result,\n every decision, every uncertain conversation, and every moment when the\n future looked different than the one we thought we were building.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Thirty years deserves Alaska.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n You deserve Alaska.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n

\n And we’re still going.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Happy 30th anniversary.\n <\/p>\n\n\n

Watch the Story<\/h2>\n\n

\n I originally shared this story when the disappointment of canceling the trip\n was still very real\u2014the trip we had planned, why we made the decision to\n cancel it, what that decision cost emotionally, and why we refused to say\n goodbye to Alaska.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n Cancer Forced Us To Cancel Our 30th Anniversary Dream Trip\n <\/strong>
\n \n Watch on YouTube\n <\/a>\n <\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n Continue the Journey\n <\/p>\n\n

\n What to Read Next\n <\/h2>\n\n

\n \n \n The Road We Still Plan to Take\n <\/a>\n <\/strong>
\n Cancer changed how Sue and I imagine retirement and travel, but it did\n not eliminate the road we still hope to travel.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n \n The Co-Pilot\n <\/a>\n <\/strong>
\n Hear the journey from Sue’s side and what cancer looks like for the person\n traveling beside the patient.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n \n The Journey Shifts\n <\/a>\n <\/strong>
\n What happens when the future you’ve planned has to be rewritten without\n abandoning the life you still want to live.\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

\n\n

\n About Mike & Sue\n <\/h3>\n\n

\n Mike and Sue Jones are the couple behind\n Jonesing For The Journey<\/em>.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n Their original plan centered on retirement, travel, and finally having\n the freedom to explore. Cancer changed the route. JFTJ follows both\n sides of that journey: navigating the unexpected while continuing to\n make room for the people, places, dreams, and adventures that make life\n worth living.\n <\/p>\n\n

\n \n Real Life. Real Journeys. Real Hope.\n <\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n <\/div>\n\n\n

\n And So\u2026The Adventure Continues.<\/strong>\n <\/p>\n\n<\/article>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is our 30th wedding anniversary\u2014and Sue and I were supposed to be celebrating it in Alaska. Cancer changed the calendar and forced us to cancel the trip we had planned for years. But it didn’t cancel Alaska, and it certainly didn’t cancel what those 30 years mean.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":633,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"0","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[91],"tags":[98,97,29,93,90,100,39,99,94],"class_list":["post-632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-retirement-rv","tag-alaska","tag-anniversary","tag-cancer-journey","tag-life-after-cancer","tag-marriage","tag-mike-sue","tag-retirement","tag-rv-travel-2","tag-travel-dreams"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=632"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":635,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions\/635"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/633"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonesingforthejourney.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}